Love through friendship in the 21st Century

How hard is it to find Love, much more, love through friendship in the 21st century? Some are absolutely blessed to find a soulmate that is their friend before they become lovers. Some find and develop friendships after they are already married. And yet, there are some who do not get to experience true friendship in their partners. It is a sad reality that friends don’t always become lovers, even through chemistry and attraction sparks like electricity when they are near. I don’t believe anyone should live through such agony to “burn for someone” and never get to express their feelings. Even fairytales are based on the concept to form bonds of friendship, which later leads to attraction then blossom into Love. This is how I view Love through Friendship.

Is it necessary to find friendship then Love in 21st century?

The Bible was not wrong when it states “Love conquers all” and when it said, “love is the greatest things on Earth”. True Love has many distinct qualities that separate it from other emotions and forms of attraction. We all seek True Love in this 21st century, simply because it is in our very being to be loved by someone. Reciprocating that love isn’t always as easy. Because of the broken hearts we, both men and women, experience in Life. But, this is why I think one of the best means to break through those walls and freely reciprocating love is to form bonds of friendship first. You can argue that many couples develop true love after they are married, yes that do happen. But, after they always become friends or form attachments and then later attraction whuch blossoms into a love like no other.

I believe friendship is the only way to truly see into a person. Many romance books and TV dramas are not wrong about this concept. While the attraction is present from the start, it is only after hanging out together, learning about each other, and pushing each other buttons that the true individual is seen. Finding Love that last a lifetime takes time, a concept many couples in this age don’t seem to understand.

Don’t you think, to truly love someone you have to know them wholly? Accepting them for who they are is part of the process of find love through friendship. However, in reciprocating that love the person whom you love, will make adjustments for you. They will recognize you and all that is you and will be willing to adjust for you. Now doesn’t this sound like a Love through friendship arrangement?

So in my opinion I do think the way to find love in the 21st century is through friendship.

How did other couples marry without finding love before 21st Century?

It is true many marriages before now started off without the slightest hint of Love, let alone friendship, incorporated in the union. You might know of some of these relationships. Before the 21st Century, and maybe even now, marriages and matches were made between total strangers. Many times over these seemingly loveless unions became the epiphany of Love and devotion. How? Well, ask any married couple how they have been married for 25 years or more. I’m sure they will tell you!

Well, I want to share with you some insight I got from two couples, both have been together for more than 25 years. The two couples were asked this one question.

“What held your marriage together for so long?”

Couple number 1, said they didn’t start off with a loving relationship, in fact, it was very rocky. Wife number 1 continued that even after the first child it was still rocky. But she added that over time her husband and she became friends who cared for their child. And as the years add up they found it hard to go without each other’s company. It was then that she found love in her husband. More children followed.

For the next couple, however, husband number 2, married because he wanted to have children. He didn’t believe love existed from his experience with his parents. He later added that even though there wasn’t much love in his marriage, he demanded respect and did want he needed to maintain that. But he soon began to see things much differently later on in his marriage, after his three children have left home. His most important ordeal was and still is to keep his wife as his companion. He started seeing the woman he is married to for heard, as his wife and soulmate. Love had now occupied the space societal norms once held (i.e. Producing children and keeping the family in check).

Do you see how, even after marriage friendship still is the most vital fact in long lasting marriage and essentially Love?

Does fairytale love still exist Today?

Let’s examine another aspect many young girls are familiar with “fairytale Love”. Does fairytale love still exist in the 21st century? And how does friendship play a part in that Love affair? Now the good news is it still does. Men are still confessing their love the way the Duke of Hastings did in the 2020 Netflix hit drama Bridgeton. So ladies you can take a deep breath and breathe easy your Duke will confess the undying love for you the best way he knows how.

There is a but! Many women and girls, myself included look for their Duke or Prince even, in the wrong places. The best place to find true love is in the heart of your best friend. I was once told “it not who you love, but who loves you.” That was when I started my search for Love in a different light. Now, I can testify I’m marrying my best friend. I was lucky to find the one person that I could and will say anything to. I can let loose, rant on, and on about anything and everything. We were always friends never got together until a few years ago. But, now I have no regrets.

Thank you Ms. Shonda Rhimes for bringing this 1800 drama with such power and romance. But most of all to show how friendship brings the most important aspect of love.

How can I experience love through friendship in the 21st century?

In closing and to answer this question finding love through friendship is the best way to bring fairytale true love that lasts a lifetime back into the 21st century. I am a true believer in this concept. Many romance stories of all aspects points to this same concept. One thing we need to understand is loving someone means accepting them for the person they are. There are a lot of things I do not understand or like, but love conquers all. I do not feel like I’m settling for broken or flawed or weird, but I’m settling for unique, one of a kind, my own my love.

What I can encourage is to use your differences, as a lesson to learn and give yourself room to grow. Learn how to forgive and overcome. Never shut down communication. Never change the concept of friendship you had before the relationship, instead build on it making adjustments along the way.

Thank you for reading. Please share your comments below.

Originally published at on January 5, 2021.




My name is Abika, I started writing like everyone did to earn money during the pandemic now I just enjoy it. Medicine is my specialty but except lots more.

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My name is Abika, I started writing like everyone did to earn money during the pandemic now I just enjoy it. Medicine is my specialty but except lots more.

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